Without a doubt, the onset of Covid-19 marked the arrival of a new era surrounding how I felt about sharing my face without makeup. In this era, like so many others, came a new literal self-reflection. I had to look at myself in video chats. I had to contend with having every little imperfection broadcasted in virtual meetings, classes, zoom calls, and more. As someone who is pretty private, I worried about how people would judge me and focus on my acne, red spots, or naked, makeup-less face. And I had all of those unfortunate things: clusters of self-inflicted blemishes, white and black spots, oily skin, and big pores. It took a few weeks of this cruel self-reflection to realize something very important. I am not sure when, but at some point, the realization came: no one cares how I look. No one is criticizing my face.

It took me a while to realize that. I will never forget the self-disgust I felt on my 30th birthday. It was in the throes of quarantine, only about 3 or 4 weeks in. We were scared and starting to worry about having to quarantine forever. I feared going to the grocery store, and made sure to wear rubber gloves and sanitize my hands after every trip for necessities. Not to mention, we were worried that someone we loved would get sick.

On my 30th birthday, we mulched. It was about as least glamorous you can get. It was also Easter Sunday, and I felt like we were doing the antithesis of what people are supposed to do on Easter…and I am not the least bit religious. I remember looking in the mirror and vowing to myself, as I said farewell to my 20s, to never regard my face with hate again. To stop picking, prodding, squeezing, inflaming, and punishing my face. To start nourishing, moisturizing, and healing.

It has been just under 6 months since I made this promise, and I feel like a new person with my skin. I truly can’t say that any miracles have taken place. No drastic measures were taken. I treat my skin, especially my face, with softness and reverence. I stopped caring about how I looked without being made up and polished. Yes, I wear makeup. But I have slashed the amount of product I use and only focus on playing up my assets. I invest so much more time in my nighttime routine, which involves a much gentler approach. I am not sure why I used to feel such a false satisfaction in picking, stripping skin, and exfoliation. My skin is happy, quite healthy, and this is one of the greatest gifts Covid could have brought.

ciao, xo