first day of school!

Today is my first day of grad school! And I'm a little nervous. I completed my undergrad in 2012. It feels like ages ago, partly because it has been, but also because I have changed so much. Completely morphed. I had an unusual fondness for college, and I look back on it weirdly - I don't look back on my experience with nostalgia, like some people. Sharing food, dealing with dirty sinks, rooms that smell like bad smells covered by Febreeze - these are things I do noooooot miss.

I loved the school part of school. I enjoyed my professors and I enjoyed my classes. I graduated as a dual major, history and education - and my history classes were my absolute favorite. I didn't dread them or even mind them (sometimes the 6 to 9's were rough). So, I decided that for my master's I'd pursue history. It was, after all, my favorite. It was challenging. During the height of junior and senior year, I was whipping out 15 page papers with the same ease it takes me to make scrambled eggs. I was very good at writing and reading for context; I remember researching using microfilm and library archives and feeling kinda Indiana Jones-ish, exploring for the answers. I built up an endurance for the art of writing papers and researching.

I enrolled in a history program in January, with the intent to start that month. The syllabus hit me like a ton of bricks. It required thirteen books, 4-5 twenty page responses, and a final paper that was obviously really long (I don't remember exactly, I think while I was reading the syllabus my brain stopped). I was overwhelmed, and more than anything, scared. I knew that I could do it, but not while tackling a full time job, which I love and is, ultimately, more important. So, with deep regret and almost a twinge of shame, I opted out of the program. I knew that the type of work and time needed to be successful was something I just wasn't ready or able to give. My second option, education, is going to be my new route. And to keep things spicy, I think maybe I'll throw an Italian or photography class in there once or twice. What do you think?

ciao, xo